doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
