another moral hangover. fuck.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
