I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
