I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
