So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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