The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
