Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
