I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
