im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
