Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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