Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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