i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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