Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
