Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
