Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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