i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
