you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
