Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
