I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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