So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
