Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
being pregnant is like rehab
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize