Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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