No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Drake has all the answers
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
