pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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