Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i drank out of a bidet.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
