your parents love me but you hate me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
