I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize