A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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