her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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