i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
