So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
