You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
