you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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