Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
