Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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