just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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