Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
