Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
