Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
