some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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