I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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