allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
