she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
