Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
