He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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