Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
