I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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