i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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