chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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