It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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