No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the day after is always just damage control
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
