I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
