I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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