i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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