DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
