when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
