Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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