peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
