He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
